Changed from HAS'S PSYCHO-SPIRITUAL CABINET for fear of being a spiritual braggart. THIS IS JUST MY PERSONAL SELF-HEALING BLOG; DEFINITELY NOT PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL OR PSYCHIATRIC OPINION OR ADVICE FROM THE AUTHOR. This blog cannot and must not replace hands-on medical care or the specific advice of your own doctor. Penulisan hanyalah pengalaman dan pendapat peribadi penulis blog dan tidak boleh mengantikan nasihat dan penjagaan perubatan daripada doktor anda.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Death setting

Thinking about death is good. Facing approaching death is supposed to be good too. However it unsettled me. Probably being too preoccupied about death is not good. I witnessed two survivor friends in the wards today. One survivor was struggling even on inhaling air saturated with oxygen. She could not talk. I could see her calmness in distress. She was ready to go.

Another was struggling against fatigue and pain. She was actually hanging on. She didn’t want to go because I could see it in her yellow eyes. I begged forgiveness from her for putting things in realistic perspective. She could talk

She asked me, if I am in her position, what will I do? I cannot give a satisfactory answer. I am different, a unique person, as she is.

Thus, the above two examples of breast cancer recurrence, at end stage. The first rejected further chemotherapy and the second had completed all available options of treatment for several recurrences at multiple sites including the brain. Indeed, I have ample examples as guide to my own choice.

However, I am the type who likes punctuality. I hate waiting in distress or in no action mode. I am also decisive. If I go shopping, I’ll enter a boutique and within a minute or two is ready to pay at the counter. I don’t like waiting and worst, I hate myself when people have to wait for or on me.

Looking back, everything significant was done in the same manner. Marriage: It was like – today I decided and tomorrow the marriage. Thanks to my ex-Dean. Children: I aborted on my first year of marriage and decided I don’t really care for offspring.

So, if I am asked on what is the ideal setting for me; then the mental picture of a perfect setting is that I could pray the subuh prayer as usual, and shortly after feel that it is a good day to die. It does not matter if I am alone or surrounded by loved one. What matters is that there should not be any feeling of resentment, guilt, regret or fear, but with feeling of calmness, submission and love.

It is said that imagery plays a strong role in realizing the eventuality. I ended up being a doctor because of too much day dreaming of being one. Thus, I am thankful to the medical series on TV while growing up. The fantasies were too good that in every professional examination, what I worried more was about my attire or dressing, level of confidence and presentation style, rather than the examination questions. The content should be gathered during the journey, what is most important is the state at the important moment.



  • At February 17, 2009, Blogger Umi Kalthum Ngah said…

    Assalamualaikum warahmatullah,

    My dear Has,

    Yes...everbody will face death...

    Live our lives to the fullest, seeking Allah's pleasure...

    And pray that He will reward us with good in the life after next....Amin..

    May your days be full of bliss!

  • At February 18, 2009, Blogger dith said…

    The content should be gathered during the journey, what is most important is the state at the important moment.

    Indeed Has!

  • At February 19, 2009, Blogger HidupItuManis said…

    Saya tergerak hati untuk menenangkan jiwa saya yg tgh runsing.Bile saya terbaca blog dr. has, sedikit semangat untuk membantu ayah saya mengembalikan keyakinan dan semangat dalam melawan kanser hati. Saya juga mahu ayah saya menjadi 'survivor' dlm ape yang dia tgh harungi.Saya minta izin untuk link blog dr.has dlm blog saya.

  • At February 19, 2009, Blogger mamayati said…


    Well said, dear Has!
    I noticed not many people like to dwell on death issues. Some get annoyed, some offended, and some simply ignore such
    talk. The most interesting thing I discovered, some people think that only cancer survivors SESUAI to think about facing death, because they are still too young to be thinking about it.
    How do you deal with such believers?

  • At February 22, 2009, Blogger Has said…


    Tak ada masalah akan link yang dibuat.

    Kanser satu rahmat. Hanya orang yang melaluinya dan mendapat manfaat daripadanya akan tahu akan kemanisannya yang istemewa.

    Kita ada pilihan, samada untuk menjadikan nasib diri ini begitu malang atau begitu istimemwa.

    Beritahu ayah saudari, suami saya umurnya 67 tahun ini, tetapi kualiti kehidupannya mengalahkan orang yang dalam lingkungan umur 40an.


    And people who don't have cancer sometime look upon those with cancer as one miserable hopeless and futureless case.

    And sometime the person forgot to look into the mirror or he or she simply avoid looking at the mirror or they looked but denied of their poor physical condition. I've got this too often: "Never mind, you have cancer....I don't expect you to do this and that...." Ha ha ha, bukan ego tetapi, dalam hati saya berkata: "Alhamdullilah syukur nikmat."

    Ianya bukan guruaan saya tetapi menjadi masalah kepada agak ramai pesakit kanser. Syukurlah, saya ini pakar psikiatri, kerana ada yang menjadi tertekan sampai tidak boleh berhadapan dengan boss yang seperti itu atau pergi ke tempat kerja lama. Dalam hal tersebut, lesen saya untuk memberi cuti sakit amat diperlukan.

    I remember some distant relative of mine nearly laughed their heads off when they read my cancer story in Sunday People. Now they have breast cancer amongst them and suffering from their perceived stigma of breast cancer. How unfortunate. How kesian.

    You ask me how I deal with undesirable attitude? Well, I only share when they have motivation to listen and to change to a more realistic attitude. Sometime they need time, sometime they left unchanged.

    Surah Al Baqarah summed them all:

    Ayat 18.

    Ayat yang mendamai jiwa, kerana itu reassurance from Allah. Don't torture yourself if others chose to be ignorant and a source of pain. As long as we have tried our level best.

  • At February 23, 2009, Blogger mamayati said…

    That's a very powerful ayat...
    thank you very much...:)

    Yours gratefully,


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